I don't have a title for this entry...call it random
Do you know the feeling of feeling so overwhelmed with everything that there never seems to be an end? That was last week. It's school stress. 3 tests, a paper...anyone in college knows the story. And then there's the feeling of being busy and occupied and just feeling accomplished. That was this week. I love being busy, but I hate being completely stressed out with school work. There's a huge difference and that's sort of been this last week.

I can't wait for next weekend!!! Tim and Therese are coming and I couldn't be more excited. I haven't seen them since winter break and I miss them dearly. I can't express how grateful I am to have such awesome friends. I know I don't have to worry about planning a whole bunch of stuff for us to do because we will have an amazing time just being together. I think their trip to CoMo will be complete as long as we make it to Shakespeares for pizza and Tim gets to see Stankowski. (aka "the giant soccer fields") I seriously can't wait! I hope next week flies by!!!

Then, after Tim and Therese, I can't wait for Spring Break. My mom and I's relationship has been great lately and I must say I miss her right now. Plus, she just got a new Passat and I can't wait to see it. Sure, she gets me the shitty Contour and then busts out the nice VW for her. Oh well, I'll still get to drive it!


A news update from Abby
I was listening to the radio today and Break Time gas stations are offering premium gas for the same price as regular as a way to promote American oil. What a great idea, I mean you get better gas mileage with premiun and it's US gas so we don't need Iraq's help to run our cars. At least I think that's what they are trying to do with this whole ad campaign...props to Break Time, maybe more people will follow their lead. I was drvining around today and there are so many houses with anti war signs in front, it's really quite interesting. Bush says 2 million people protesting a war is insignificant...right, that makes sense. Then, I went to the Red Cross because I have to learn CPR and first aid and there were brouchers out on the table about terrorism, what to do in a disaster, etc. I think that sort of made things feel more real for me, what if there really is a war? There has just been talk for so long that, to me it doesn't seem possible.

On a lighter note!
It's amazing how much $20 means to a poor college student...it's like a hundred in college money. I had to have someone fill out a recommendation for me and when she mailed it back she sent a nice new 20 dollar bill along with it! It was the highlight of my day, perhaps week. I had all of $2 before and now I'm freakin rich. Thank you Joanne!


My assignment for the weekend is to be aware of everything that I do. Humm? Is that possible. I tried doing it right after I got out of class and I really think this is going to be tough. It's quite interesting actually. I never realized how unaware I am of things. When I'm walking to class a million things are running through my head. I don't really pay the slightest bit of attention to my surroundings or how I am actually walking...I think this will be interesting. For example, I'm not just supposed to brush my teeth like I do every morning. I am supposed to be aware of what the toothpaste tube feels like, how I brush, how I stand when I brush...what an interesting idea. I'll let you know how it goes.


Maybe everything is okay
You know that feeling of feeling when you feel so overwhelmed you just want to crawl into your bed and never come out. That's sort of been these past few days. But then, while your wanting to crawl into bed something wonderful happens and suddenly you realize everything is ok. Yeah, that happened today. I get all stressed out for no reason at all and then suddenly I realize everything will actually be just fine. I'm taking physiology right now and it is really quite frightening. The lecture being at 8:00 doesn't help matters at all, but then I get into the lab and we have to think about the passive and active totals of stimulation on a muscle. Ahhhh. But, everything is fine. I met another OT major today, we are going to study for the test and, even though I'm with a group of guys who have no idea what they are doing, my TA is pretty cool. I'm kind of having writer's block and can't really put into words everything else that fell into place today, so just know that everything is better!


I found this and like it!
"Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top. But boys dont want to reach for the good ones because they are scared. They're afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they just eat the rotten apples on the ground, the easy ones. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, but in reality they are amazing.

Thats is why you must be patient and wait for the right guy, the one who takes a chance and is not afraid to brave heights."

That's about all I have to say for today. I think my sickness from yesterday was the beginning of strep throat. I think I'm just going to go ahead and call it a bad week.


Not so good Tuesday
So I woke up at 7AM this morning and didn't stop throwing up until around noon. Yes, it was a short span of being sick, but terrible non-the-less. I hate being sick. Not only did I feel like shit the entire day, I got nothing accomplished. Now that I'm not hunched over the toilet, I'm at Memorial Union trying to make up for lost time. I've completed my first paper for the semester, but now I'm perfecting the art of procrastination because I really don't want to start reading. It's like a black hole. I'm trying to be productive, but it's really a vicious cycle. I'll do like 2 hours worth of reading and still have so much more to do. Does anyone else feel this way?

Since I was home all day long, all that I really did was watch television. If you want to be shocked into fear turn on CNN for like 10 minutes. There is a terror alert on the screen like it's a freakin weather warning...it's high for those of you living in a hole. There is absolutely no good news. It's either Bin Laden, war with Iraq, our economy sucks, no one wants to back us up in the war, the war is going to cost $2 billion A MONTH. I mean really. Am I the only one hearing this? If we already have no money, if no one wants to have our backs if we attack Iraq and if it's going to cost $2 billion a month then why are we doing this? I'll be honest and say I'm not really up to date on all of this stuff, but I'm guessing there are other options and I'm going to go out on a limb here and say I'm pretty sure I'm against all of this. What about education? Mizzou may lose $60 million in cuts...but hey, don't worry about it, let's just bomb the hell out of a bunch of innocent people in Iraq. Does Bush know it's not just Sadaam over there? Grrrrrrrr...I'm just frustrated. Now I must go read. Have a great week!


Happy Monday...
I'm sitting in theatre class, listening to myself give my personal monologue and I'm thinking..."this is boring, I'm so sorry you people have to listen to this. I promise it will be over soon." Lucky for me it was just a practice, it was only in front of my little group of 3 and they were oh so kind and gave me lots of really good ideas. After me, Ryan goes and wow...what a story. He's gay. He came out to his parents and now they don't understand him. I'm butchering the message, but how sad is it to think that you can't tell your parents something because you know they won't handle it well. They don't understand that the way he loves may be different, but it's still love. They don't understand that he had a rough relationship and needs someone to talk to about it, but can't go to his family because they won't focus on him, but on how they need to deal with the situation. What a shitty life for them, they are supposed to love unconditionally...that's what parents are for. They are really missing out and only because of their views that I'm sure our little society had a role in shaping. How frustrating and sad for him...for all of us.


Oh the first exam...
There's just something about the first exam of the semester that makes me not want to study, yet try really hard...all at the same time. I can't focus, but I know I have to. I'm trying to read, but I keep falling asleep. Claire, Greg and I tried the group study, but I'm not so sure how productive that was either. I'm sure by Thursday I'll have it under control, but the thought that there are sooo many more tests ahead makes me want to crawl into my bed and never come out. However, hiding out won't really help the whole life plan thing and so I guess I'll be tough and finish school...well at least take it one semester at a time.


Second post of the day.
A lot has happened this evening and so I thought it deserved another update.

As much as I love Mizzou and everyone I've met, I've still felt like something is missing. I don't feel apart of anything here. I've tried with SAB, but they aren't the friendliest folks, I tried Phi Mu and I think I just didn't give that enough time and so, here's my third attempt. Hopefully the third time really is the charm and this will be good. I applied to be on the Program Board here. I'm not going to go into what that is, but the important thing is I got called back for an interview. From what I've seen, the people are cool and friendly and they seem to do fun stuff and so I think this will be the right thing for me. We will see. This may sound dumb to compare college to high school, but in high school I felt like I belonged and was active and could walk around and say hi to tons of different people and I loved that. I don't have that here. I will admit there are about 20,000 more people here, but still, it really is a lot smaller than you think.

My second good news is that my step dad is trying to quit smoking. I think this is the single greatest factor that makes me dislike him so much. The man smokes more than a chimney and so hopefully the next time I got home things will be drastically better. Don't take this the wrong way...I don't hate people who smoke, but I don't like it when they aren't considerate to nonsmokers. I don't like to eat and inhale smoke at the same time.

Number three on Abby's list of a good night is my mom and I are going to Chicago for Spring Break. Yes, it is my mom and yes, it's not the beach, but it is somewhere other than good old Springfield, IL. We are taking the train, staying downtown and hopefully going to a show. I can't wait. I miss my mom a lot now that I'm here at school and so I really think this will be a good thing for us.

That does it for this installment. I'll try and update on a more regular basis.


Quick Version
1. It was a good weekend. Warmer weather, fun parties, a little bit of productiveness...overall great!
2. I can't believe it's only week 3 of classes. These weeks go by very slow. Maybe it's the 8-3 deal with classes?
3. I got a job. I'm working at the Admission's office calling the kids that got accepted and saying "Congrats." It should be fun.
4. I may have to go home this weekend...boo! I lost my driver's license and so I have to drive 3 hours to get a new one.
5. Amy found a roommate for next year...I don't have to worry about that situation anymore. (Sigh of relief)
6. It is raining outside and all I want is a good hair day. Once again...boo.

*Basically I'm tired and don't feel like blogging today, but I was nice enough to supply the update so at least you all would know I'm alive.


It's a beautiful day and will be even better tomorrow!